Break Me
by Kittyling
Summary: After the death of a seishi, Hotohori and Miaka are brought closer together...while another threatens to tear them and everything they know apart. *Updated 10/8: Chapter Six*
1. Chapter One :: Prelude

Disclaimer: Fushigi Yuugi and its characters belong to Yuu Watase and associates. I'm not Yuu Watase, and I'm not one of her associates. I think you can do the math.

                Author's Note: Hullo everybody! ^_^ Ahh, I _finally _got around to typing this up…Teresa and I have been working on it for almost a year, and sadly, only now do I have the time and motivation to post it. ^^;; Well, lately ff.net seems to have been deprived of HotohorixMiaka fics…with the exception of "Still Loving You…" by g3ozLizh (great fic btw—go read! ^-^) I haven't noticed many… (Or have I just been completely oblivious? o.O Well, with me that's always a possibility…) 

                Anyway…hopefully this will be a different enough fic that it'll hold your attention. The first chapter may start off slow, but it'll pick up…and I'll only continue if I get reviews. Even one counts! So please R&R! ^_^ 

                That's enough rambling from me…you must be bored stiff by now. ^_^;;

                ((Yah know…I don't think I've ever seen a HotohorixMiaka lemon around here. Phooie. Anyone up to writing one? ^-^;; I'd gladly read it…err, did I just type that? o.O Shimatta… ::silently tiptoes away:: ))  

Chapter One: Prelude

****

The full moon hung like a milky orb in the dark, vast blanket of night, illuminating the city of Eiyo with a soft, white glow. The silver beams shone dimly through the window of Suzaku no Miko's room in the palace, creating just enough light to see by, but not much. Blowing out the candle on her dresser, the auburn-haired girl changed out of her school uniform, leaving the white blouse on to sleep in. After taking her hair out of its customary style of two braided buns, Miaka flopped down on her bed, heaving a sigh of exhaustion. 

                The past month or so had left almost no time for rest of any kind. The Suzaku seishi had all been found—but soon after, one was lost to them. Tamahome, the first seishi Miaka met and the one she had loved, was killed by an assassin on a journey to Taikyoku-san. Devastated, the seishi and their miko consulted Taiitsukun, who promised to find them an alternative way of summoning the beast god. However, Miaka was still in low spirits; her first love was lost to her, not to mention one of the few means of summoning Suzaku and getting her wishes. 

                _I wish we could go back to before all this…so I could be with Tamahome again. Demo…everyone's been so kind to me, even though I'm a lot less cheerful than usual…especially Hotohori…_

                Her heart jumped slightly at this thought, a feeling of guilt washing over her. 

                _Hotohori…despite everything, he's **always **been kind to me…from the very beginning. I've never given him anything in return…he really does care about me. In a way, I suppose I'm attracted to him…I've felt that for a while, but I kept it in check while Tamahome was here…now, maybe I…_

Lying on her bed, she stared at the ceiling, thinking back to a moment she'd spent with the young emperor earlier that day. Having gone to Taiitsukun's for more advice on their current situation, they had had a bit of time to relax…also giving Hotohori time to declare his feelings for her once more. She couldn't help but feel a thrill run through her as she thought of his kiss: soft, almost shy…

                _He's not as forceful as he used to be…actually, it's more like he's hesitant. Maybe because of everything that's happened…but there's also a sadness in his eyes when he looks at me, as if he's given up…a few times in the past month he's seemed completely emotionless; almost like a doll, or a puppet. I feel so guilty when I see him like that…but when he's with me…he's so much happier, and I can't help but feel that way, too. There's just something in his embrace that makes me feel safe…like nothing bad is going to happen to me anymore, that everything will be okay…_

                A chill wind blew in from the open window, causing the door of her room to blow open. Miaka got off the bed to close it, putting a stop to her thoughts; however, instead of closing the door and heading back to bed, she tiptoed into the deserted outer hall, only shutting the door once she'd gotten outside. Subconsciously, she began to walk down the corridor, finally finding herself outside the emperor's chambers…

                _How'd I end up…here? Was it that…_

Shaking her head slightly, she put an end to her thoughts, smacking herself on the forehead. 

                "Baka!" she whispered. "No more night-time wanderings for you! 'Ttaku…what would Hotohori think if he saw you outside his room at **this** hour?"

                Still muttering to herself, she turned to head back to her own room, only to find herself unable to leave. 

                _Maybe…maybe he's still awake…_

Looking back at the door, she saw a faint bar of light streaming out from under the crack. Hesitatingly, she walked back towards it, placing her slightly trembling hand on the doorknob. 

                _Here goes nothing…_

Slowly turning it, she opened the door, but only a tiny bit, not allowing herself to look inside the room. Her voice softer than usual, she finally mustered up the courage to speak. "A…anou…Hotohori?"

                The young emperor was sitting at a desk near the window, poring over a book, using a single candle and the moon as his only sources of light. Hearing her voice and the creak of the door as it opened, he looked up, unable to see his visitor, but knowing her instantly by the sound of her voice.

                "Miaka?"

                He closed the book in front of him, rising and walking over to the door. Opening it more, he beckoned her into the room, shutting it once she'd entered. "What brings you here?"

                "I…" Miaka stopped, flustered, now aware of how stupid she must look to him. Trying to come up with something quickly, she blurted out the first thing that came to mind. "I wanted to see you, I guess." She mentally smacked herself for that one, blushing and looking down. _Coming here in the middle of the night, and my reason? 'I wanted to see you.' Real smooth, Miaka…demo…I guess it's partially true…_

Hotohori looked down at her, smiling slightly, glad that she'd come to see him, whatever reason it may have been. "You're always welcome here, Miaka…" Walking back over to the desk, he opened a drawer and put the book away, looking back up at her when he'd finished. Miaka shuffled her feet, then finally looked up at him, still blushing slightly.

                "Anou…Hotohori…I guess I wanted to thank you…for how kind you've been to me lately. Actually…for how kind you've been to me since I met you. I would have been lost here if it weren't for you…" She trailed off, avoiding his gaze, and walked back over to the door. "I should get going…sorry for bothering you at this hour. Oyasumi…"

                She reached out as if to open the door, but somehow couldn't bring herself to do it. 

                _I…I don't want to go…_

Hotohori noticed her reluctance to leave, along with the rest of her different behavior; true, she _had _been gloomier lately, what with Tamahome's death—but this was different, this was something he couldn't quite put his finger on…

                Edging slightly closer to her, he pondered how to comfort her, if that was what she wanted; whatever it was, she acted as though she didn't want to leave.

                "Miaka…you don't have to go if you don't want to…in fact…I'd rather that you'd stay…" His voice was soft and deep as he spoke, trailing off at the end, as if unsure of what he was saying. Miaka was caught slightly off-guard by this, blushing upon realization that he noticed what she was too shy to put into words. Still not turning to face him, she spoke.

                "Are you sure? It's getting late…"

                Hotohori sighed to himself, almost regretting the request, thinking that she was politely turning him down. "Well, what I mean is…you can stay if you want to, I don't mind…"

                _I'd rather that you did stay…I feel like I'm missing something when you're not around…I know that now…_

Miaka took another step towards the door, placing her fingers on the handle. A few moments went by in silence, until she finally took her hand away, letting it drop to her side. She turned to face him, looking down slightly. She spoke quietly, shyly. "I…I'd like to stay…it's lonely by myself…"

                Hotohori was slightly surprised by this, but didn't let it show. "Then you may stay as long as you like…" He paused, then lowered his voice, speaking his thoughts out loud. "Even I am lonely here by myself…"

                "Is it all right if I stay the night, then…? Well, I mean…I can sleep on the floor or something, I just don't want to be alone…" Miaka trailed off, embarrassed by her unreasonable request, not having thought it out before she spoke. 

                Hotohori was visibly surprised this time; then, letting the gentleman in him take over, he shook his head. "You can spend the night…but if anyone would sleep on the floor, I would. I just couldn't allow you to, you're a guest here…I could just sleep in a chair, that'd be enough for me…" 

                Miaka shook her head as well. "Iie, I couldn't let you do that…I'd feel like I was intruding if…" She trailed off, seeing the set expression on his face, and knew instantly that he wasn't going to change his mind. She looked down, somewhat uncomfortable. "…all right…I guess that's okay…"

                Noticing her discomfort, Hotohori smiled, placing his hand on her shoulder in reassurance. "It's okay, Miaka, really. I don't mind, you don't need to worry," he said gently.

                She looked up at him, forcing a smile so he wouldn't think anything was wrong. "I'm all right…I'm not even tired right now, anyway." _Maybe if I keep myself awake he won't have to go out of his way for me…even if he says it's okay… _As she thought this, she just barely stifled a yawn, silently scolding herself. _Baka, **that **was real convincing…_

 Hotohori chuckled slightly, seeing her attempts to make him think otherwise, then smiled gently at her. "You're tired…you should go to sleep. You don't have to worry about me, I'll be fine…"

                Sighing, Miaka smiled slightly in defeat, yawning again. "I guess I can't keep anything from you, ne? All right…I guess I'll sleep…" Feeling her body grow wearier as they spoke, she made her way over to the bed, climbing into it and pulling the covers over her, all manners forgotten for the moment. Her eyelids drooping, she smiled tiredly at him, before finally closing her eyes. "Oya…sumi…"

                Hotohori watched her drift off to sleep for a few moments, surprised yet pleased at this odd turn of events. Finally, he walked back to the desk, pulling the chair over so that it was next to the bed and settling himself in it. "Oyasumi…" he murmured, before falling asleep himself.

* * *

                _The ki blast flew directly at him, a burst of white-hot energy. She watched, as if in slow motion, as the ball stopped in mid-air in front of him, hovering for a few moments before seeming to explode, slowly tearing his limbs apart with it, a silent scream wrenched from his throat…_

"Hotohori!"

                Miaka sat up suddenly in bed, panting, her eyes wide with fear. __

_                That dream…that dream…!!_

She began to shake uncontrollably, her breath catching in her throat. As she tried desperately not to cry, Hotohori stirred in his sleep, having heard his name called. He looked up to see Miaka sitting in bed, trembling, apparently distressed. Standing up, he moved closer to the bed, worried. 

                "Miaka, daijoubu ka? What's wrong?"

                Miaka shook her head, trying to get the images to disappear from her mind. When she spoke, her voice was choked, quiet. "I…I had a dream…th-that you…you were…!!" Unable to go on, she covered her face with her hands, shaking even more. 

                Concerned for her, he tried to think of something to say that would comfort her. "It's okay, Miaka, I'm right here…you're safe…"

                She shook her head again, uncovering her face, to show tears streaming down it. She squeezed her eyes shut, more tears leaking out. "Iie! That's not it!! After what happened with Tamahome…I'm so afraid I'm going to lose the rest of you…I don't want that to happen!! It _can't _happen!!" _I've been afraid of this ever since…but I've never been able to say… _She pulled the bed sheets up to her face, still shaking with sobs.

                Hotohori could only stand there, helpless, as she continued to weep. _I hate it when you cry…I feel like I'm the one to blame. Please don't feel bad… _

Not knowing what else to do, he sat down next to her on the bed; his arms wrapped around her as he pulled her into an embrace, his back resting against the headboard. Surprised, Miaka immediately let go of the sheets, letting out a soft gasp. Stroking her hair in an effort to calm her down, Hotohori gently pulled her closer to him.

 "You won't lose me, or anyone…I love you so much that nothing can stop me from being near you…nothing…" 

Still completely surprised, Miaka could only sit there, still hiccupping occasionally with sobs. 

_Hotohori…you really… _

Confused, and still shaken by the dream, she accepted his embrace, burying her face in his chest. Finally the sobs subsided, leaving her shaking slightly, the images from dream still vivid in her mind. 

"We'll never leave you…that's what the seishi will always fight for, to stay with you, and protect you. I love you…nothing in the world could change how I feel, ever…I love you more than you'll ever know, more than I can ever show you…" He spoke softly, then trailed off, having never spoken his feelings that intensely, yet gently, before…

Still shaking slightly, Miaka looked up at him, even more surprised than before—but, in another way, reassured by his deep, warm voice, and his words. 

"I…I was scared it was real…" she said quietly. Then, slightly embarrassed, she pulled away from him, wiping irritably at a tear that had fallen onto her already wet cheeks. "Demo, I'm all right…really, I'm all right…" She avoided his gaze, knowing if she looked into his eyes he'd see that she was lying. 

Concerned, Hotohori put his fingers under her chin and lifted her head up until he was looking into her eyes—only her eyes, wanting to see the truth. She fidgeted slightly under his gaze, but didn't object. "Miaka…you don't always have to be strong for everyone…you're beautiful the way you are…"

Not looking away this time, Miaka's expression grew slightly sad upon hearing his words. "Honto ni…?" she whispered. "I always feel like I _should_ be strong for everyone…because before, I was too dependant on all of you…" Feeling ashamed, she looked down slightly, a single tear rolling down her cheek. "…I don't feel beautiful…" She rested her head on his shoulder, closing her eyes, another tear falling from them and landing on his skin. She spoke quietly now, lulled slightly by his warmth. 

"I'm afraid…I feel like if I'm alone I'll get that dream again…and I'm so tired…"

Hotohori continued to stroke her hair, his arms still gently wrapped around her. "Hush…you'll never be alone again…I promise you, you'll never be alone…" He spoke softly, in a reassuring tone, causing Miaka to open her eyes, smiling slightly. 

"Arigatou…" She closed her eyes again, nuzzling his neck and breathing in slightly. "You smell nice…" she murmured. Hotohori was surprised briefly by this, but smiled gently, glad that she was no longer upset. He looked down at her, to see that she had fallen asleep in his arms—the tear tracks still there, yet a content smile visible. Closing his eyes himself, he allowed sleep to claim him, a single word on his lips:

"Aishiteru…"

* * *

The young man sat up suddenly in bed, awakened by a dream…a dream about the past… Without hesitation, he got up and began gathering his belongings, his mind finally made up. 

_After all, I've been preparing for years…and I finally have an ally strong enough that it can be done…_

"Akira-sama? It's late, why are you out of your bed?"

The man, Akira, turned around, to see one of his attendants standing by the door. Only mildly surprised by this, he continued to pack his belongings, making sure to pack one thing in particular…

"Prepare a horse for me immediately. I wish to leave as soon as possible for the capital of Konan Empire." The attendant bowed, leaving the room, not questioning his master's wishes. Akira dressed himself for travel, smiling slightly.

_Saihitei…We'll finally meet again…_

**End Chapter One**

Demo: but, however

Baka: stupid

'Ttaku: jeez, honestly

Anou: um

Oyasumi: goodnight

Iie: no

Daijoubu ka?: Are you all right?

Honto ni?: Really?

Aishiteru: I love you


	2. Chapter Two :: A Visitor

Disclaimer: Fushigi Yuugi and its characters belong to Yuu Watase and associates. I'm not Yuu Watase, and I'm not one of her associates. I think you can do the math.

                Author's Note: Heh…I had nothing better to do, so I spent all this morning typing up this chapter. ^-^;; Arigatou to those who've reviewed so far. Reviews make Teresa and me HAPPY! ^-^ 3 ::hands out cookies and party hats to small batch of reviewers:: Teee, even one review makes meh happy. Silly meh. =P

                **Jurie: **Ooh, wouldja couldja? I'd like that, arigatou! =^-^= 

                Yes, there is FLUFF in this chapter! Whee! The angst'll come later…hell, the main angst-causing person ain't even here yet. ^-^;; ((Well…sorta…umm, I won't say any more. o.O)) So be patient, all you fellow angst lovers! ^.~

**Chapter Two: ****A Visitor**

                _None of them saw it coming; perhaps the least suspecting was Tamahome himself. Most surprising, the ki blast was so strong that no one had time to react—in an instant, the silver-white energy had engulfed the first seishi, ripping, tearing him limb from limb…what remained was so unrecognizable that Mitsukake could do nothing to restore the body. The group could only stand numb, disbelieving…horrified. Only Chichiri noticed the presence of another; but it was gone before they could do anything._

_                It hadn't even given him a chance to scream…_

* * *

                The rays of the bright morning sun shone in through the window of the emperor's chambers, filling the room with light. Miaka slowly opened her eyes, then groaned, holding a hand over them to block out the sun. Not recognizing her surroundings at first, she blinked and looked around, finally noticing the warmth of Hotohori's sleeping figure beside her. 

                _That's right…I came here last night…'cause I was lonely…I guess he stayed with me…_

She smiled gently, noting the peaceful expression on his face.

                _I really do feel better when he's around…_

Hotohori stirred, taking in a deep breath as he woke up; then, feeling Miaka right next to him, he smiled slightly to himself—his eyes closed, content just to be there with her. Noticing the intake of breath and the smile, Miaka spoke, but quietly, so if he was asleep she wouldn't wake him. 

                "Hotohori? Are you awake?"

                He opened his eyes, finding himself looking directly into Miaka's. "Ohayo, Miaka…" he murmured—almost disbelieving that they were in this situation, but secretly glad.

                _I wonder if Miaka is okay now…she doesn't think that she's beautiful; I'll have to make her see differently…I'll have to make her see herself the way I see her._  

                Miaka noticed the thoughtful expression on his face, and, curious, she decided to ask. 

                "Ne, Hotohori…what are you thinking about?"

                Hotohori smiled, shaking his head slightly. "I'll tell you about it later…" he said quietly. "It's not important." He looked into her eyes, suddenly realizing how close their faces were…

                _I never noticed before…I always thought her eyes were brown. Instead, they have specks of green in them…brown and green, like the forests…wild, free…_

He continued gazing into her eyes, entranced. Miaka noticed this, and was immediately caught by his intent, yet gentle gaze. Unable to control herself, she shut her eyes and closed the space between them, bringing her lips to his. Hotohori was briefly startled by this; then, slowly, he closed his eyes and returned her kiss. Miaka's hair shimmered in the morning sunlight, and he ran his fingers through the auburn strands, their texture like soft silk. After a long, silent moment, Miaka pulled away, almost disbelieving what she had just done.  

                _Demo…it felt…_

A cool morning breeze blew in from the window, causing her thoughts to be cut short. Shivering, she pulled the covers further over her and laid her head on Hotohori's chest. He in turn closed his eyes, absentmindedly stroking her hair, letting its soft curls twine in his fingers. She shut her eyes as well, letting out a sigh of contentment. Suddenly, a thought occurred to her, and she spoke quietly, not sure how to put it into words.

                "A…anou…Hotohori…is it okay if…if I sleep here, from now on? I'll understand if you say no, it's just…" She trailed off, uncertain of what to say. _I feel safer when I'm with him…it's not as lonely…_

"Of course you can stay, Miaka…" Hotohori paused, then continued, more quietly, "I'd miss you if you weren't here…"

                Opening her eyes again, Miaka smiled slightly. "Arigatou…you have no idea how much that means to me…" she murmured. Reluctantly, she sat up, yawning. "Well…I don't really want to get up, but sleeping all day isn't an option…" Getting out of the bed, she stretched, not in any kind of rush. Hotohori watched her move around the room a bit before getting up himself, stretching, his robe falling slightly off his upper body to reveal strong shoulders and back. Unconsciously, Miaka stopped to watch him, and having never seen the young emperor like that before, she blushed. Without realizing it, she spoke her thoughts out loud.

                "He's…perfect…"

                Hearing her, Hotohori turned mid-stretch to look at Miaka, surprised, blushing slightly at the unintended compliment. _She may think that…but does she know herself?_

After a few moments, Miaka realized that she was staring him, and turned away quickly, blushing an even deeper red. "A, anou…g-gomen, I…" she stuttered, fumbling for an explanation. 

                Hotohori ignored her attempted apology, glancing next to him at a mirror propped against the wall, its golden frame catching the sunlight. Confirming in his mind the conversation they'd had the previous night, he spoke. "Miaka, come over here…"

                "Eh? Ah—hai…" Miaka walked across the room and stood next to him, wondering why he asked her to go over there. Hotohori moved so that he was behind her, positioning the two of them so that they were in front of the mirror. 

                "Now…tell me what you see in the mirror…look hard…"

                Miaka was confused by the odd request, but looked all the same. "I see myself, and you behind me."

                Hotohori smiled gently, speaking softly. "Look harder…who do you see?"

                Miaka frowned slightly, looking her reflection up and down. _Does he really want me to do that? I haven't been the most optimistic person lately when it comes to stuff like this… _Still looking at her reflection, she spoke.

                "I see…a 15-year-old schoolgirl, who's always relying on people…who's clumsy, and not very smart…" Mumbling by this point, she added, "…and who has an awkward figure, to top it off…"

                "Do you want to know what I see?" Hotohori asked, still standing behind her.

                Still unsure of what he was doing, Miaka glanced questioningly at his reflection before nodding slightly. "Nani?" she replied, quietly.

                "I see a wonderful person, inside and out, who's always caring…someone who looks up to everyone else, so she feels diminished herself…I see a person who's spirit is too big for her body, so it breaks away of its bindings, flying free. I see a beautiful woman with the biggest heart in the world…I see you…I love you, Miaka…" When he had finished, Hotohori embraced her from behind, the two of them still facing the mirror.

                Miaka absorbed everything he was saying in silence, then drew in her breath, tears forming in her eyes. Closing them, she rested against him, feeling the warmth of his embrace for the second time that morning. After a moment, she opened her eyes again, looking at both of their reflections in the mirror. She reached out her hand to touch it, its glass surface cool and flat against her palm.

                "That's the first time…anyone's ever said anything like that…"

                She closed her eyes again, withdrawing her hand. 

                "You…really see me that way…" She spoke it as half a question and half a statement, almost not believing everything he'd said. 

                _Whatever I was expecting, it wasn't that…how does he do this to me? Iie, that should stay a secret…there are some feelings that I don't want to know the "why" of…_

Hotohori continued to embrace her, his chin resting on the top of her head. "Sometimes you have to look harder at something to see what's really there…to look beyond the outside, and realize what a wonderful person you are…It takes time, but I'm sure someday you'll know how much I love you…" He paused, then spoke quietly, to himself, "…because of who you are…and how you treat me…"

                Miaka leaned against him, allowing his body to support hers; laying her head on his chest where the robe had fallen open, she listened to his heart—then placed her hand over her own. "They beat…simultaneously…did you notice that?" Hotohori only pulled her closer to him, so he could feel her heart beating as well. With each passing moment, Miaka was losing herself more to his gentle embrace…

                _Hotohori…this feeling…I've ignored it for so long…but now…_

Miaka took Hotohori's hand in hers, entwining her fingers in his. 

                _…now…I can finally say it…_

"Aishiteru…"

                She looked up at him; her eyes were filled with emotion that had never been there before, but matched the intensity of his. Looking down into her eyes, Hotohori was enveloped in the whirl of emotion that was causing her to glow—and found he couldn't break his gaze. Letting his emotions slide, he leaned down and kissed her, barely believing what was happening. Miaka closed her eyes and returned his kiss, all thoughts of everything else gone from her mind; deepening it slightly, emotions continued to radiate from her as they had a moment before. Finally, she broke the kiss, keeping her eyes closed a few seconds after, as if savoring the moment a little longer. Reluctantly, she opened them again.

 "I…don't really want to go, but…the others are probably up by now, so we should see them…"

Hotohori nodded, slightly dazed, but overjoyed that his feelings were finally being returned. "Hai, you're right…shall we go, then?"

* * *

                "Ohayo gozaimasu, minna! Did you all sleep well?"

                Miaka and Hotohori had just entered the dining hall; Miaka was back to her usual chipper self ((A/N: Of course! There's food! ^_~)), but the sight that greeted them showed that the other seishi weren't. Chichiri, Tasuki, and Nuriko were there, and the two latter seishi looked like they'd had a rather rough night. ((A/N yet again: Heh, that wasn't a yaoi reference…although it _could _be…::evil grin:: Must consult Teresa! =] Ohhh, I love yaoi… ::giggles:: )) Tasuki looked up at them, dark circles under his eyes.

                "Un…sleep great…real great…yeah, yeah…" The redhead spoke in a slight slur, then slouched in his seat, turning back to his food, muttering. "Fuck…haven't 'ad sake in too long…need ta…be better 'bout that…"

                Nuriko, meanwhile, had his violet eyes half shut, a glazed look on his face. Wincing at his miko's loud cheeriness, he massaged his temples with his forefingers, barely managing to croak out an answer. "Ohayo…Miaka…k'so…my poor head…" He opened his eyes wider to glance at her, quickly shutting them. "Too much light…nnnn…" The cross-dresser put his head down on the table, covering it with his arms to keep the light out. Miaka began to laugh at how ridiculous her two seishi looked, but managed to turn it into a cough halfway. 

                "Ahem…so…how'd you two get in this state?"

                Tasuki groaned. "How the fuck'd I know?! I swear I didn' drink more'n two…well, maybe three…damnit! Nuriko-kuuuun…the room's spinnin'…" The mountain bandit held his head in his hands, groaning more. "Fuck…I have a headache…!! Can't think…shimatta…fuckin' HELL!"

                Nuriko squeezed his eyes shut even tighter, fighting off a wave of nausea. "Shimatta…Tasuki…don't say anything like that…you're making me sick just thinking about anything spinning…" He attempted to pull his head even further out of the light, turning slightly green from moving. 

                Trying to constrain the urge to giggle, Miaka decided to change the conversation topic as best she could. "Ah, um…well, Chichiri, was your night any better?" As she spoke, she took a seat in an empty chair at the table, Hotohori sitting next to her. 

                The monk sighed. "Well, I was going to keep these guys in check, no da…but as soon as I turn my back, they've got sake and are already half drunk, no da. Tasuki I would've expected, but Nuriko with his superhuman strength…hopefully I'll never have to face that again, no da…"

                His head still in his arms, Nuriko cut in. "Chichiri…stop…I've learned my lesson, I know that I'll never do anything like that again…" He groaned as another wave of nausea passed over him.

                "Aw, hell…ya gotta admit it was fun…while we were drinkin', anyway…" Tasuki groaned again. "Not now, though…" He looked up at Miaka and Hotohori through half-closed eyelids. "Shit…you two look awake…how come y'can be so perky? Damnit…"

                Hotohori blushed slightly at this comment, thinking out loud. "Perky?" After regaining his composure, he spoke again. "Well, **I** wasn't up the whole night getting drunk…I was…" He trailed off. _Why did you just say that?! Now they're going to start to wonder what you were doing…demo, why is that so bad? You love Miaka, don't you? Why should you be ashamed of being with her? _Mixed emotions battled in his head, his confusion clearly visible on his features. 

                Noticing him trail off, Miaka attempted to explain. 

                "Oh…I had a nightmare, so Hotohori comforted me…" She glanced at Tasuki and Nuriko again and shook her head, sighing. "Honestly…at least we weren't getting drunk our first night back from traveling…"

                Tasuki looked up at her; he raised an eyebrow skeptically, then waved his hand dismissively, still speaking in a drunken slur. "Sure, sure…but at least **I **wasn' havin' a sleep-over the first night back…so ta speak…"

                Hotohori blushed harder, and a blush crept onto Miaka's face as well; annoyed, she glared at the former bandit leader. 

                "Tasuki…if you weren't drunk, I'd hurt you for that…"

                Before they could continue the conversation further, there was a knock at the door, and several of Hotohori's attendants walked into the room. One came forward slightly more than the others, and bowed.

                "Heika…there is a visitor to see you in the throne room."

                Hotohori was slightly startled by this news. _Visitor? I wasn't expecting anyone…but I suppose that's life as an emperor for you… _Dismissing the attendants, he replied, "I'll see to him as soon as we're ready." After they had left, he turned to the seishi and Miaka (two of whom had seemed to recover from their hangovers…).

                "I think it's best if you come with me…I have little idea of who this person is…just come as a precaution."

* * *

                The four seishi and Miaka had gathered in the throne room; the attendants waited for further instructions from Hotohori. The emperor nodded to them, gesturing to the door.

 "Bring him in."

                The attendants pulled back the doors, revealing a young man of no more than twenty years of age; his long, dark hair was pulled back loosely into a ponytail, and his head was bowed in what appeared to be respect for the emperor. After a few moments, he slowly raised his head, a few strands of his hair falling into his face; then, his mouth twitched into a sardonic half smile. He spoke in a smooth, deep voice, tinged with slight mockery and bitterness.

                "It's been a while…Saihitei…"

End Chapter Two 

((Author's Note: Hehe. Would you believe I typed up this whole thing while listening to Malice Mizer? Not exactly mood music, I can tell ya that…^-^;; Demo, demo…I love Gackt-sama. *.*))

Ohayo gozaimasu: good morning

Gomen: sorry

Hai: yes, okay

Arigatou: thank you

Nani: What?

Shimatta: damnit, shit

K'so: essentially same as above ^-^;;

Heika: Your Highness


	3. Chapter Three :: Memories and a Promise

Disclaimer: Fushigi Yuugi and its characters belong to Yuu Watase and associates. I'm not Yuu Watase, and I'm not one of her associates. I think you can do the math.

                Author's Note: Lookie! It's chapter three! Isn't it sad how I have nothing better to do than type all day?  Well, I do have homework stuffs… ::looks guilty:: It's easy tho'! I can get it done quickly! Honto! o.O  

Again, thanks for the reviews! ^-^v I'm always happy when I see a new one. ((Teresa is away at a sleep-away camp, but I'm sure she'll be happy when she sees the reviews too ^-^;;)) Keep reviewing, and I promise there'll be more fic. ^_~

                **g3ozlizh**: Wai! Thanks for reading the ficcy! ^_^ 3 Demo…it looks like it cut your second review off…? o.O I don't know if there was more, but was it supposed to end at "."? ((Actually, whenever I use those characters on this site it cuts whatever I'm doing off…that's why I'm wondering. ^^;;)) And I love ANC! ::beams:: I only own the first DVD and manga, and the artbook…but Teresa ((best buddy and co-author of fic)) brought her DVDs over to my house when she visited for Otakon, so I got to see the whole series. ((It was an abbreviated version, since we fast-forwarded through a bit…but aw well, it was good. ^-^;; Teresa-chaaan…next time, we watch more Kenshin…I'm having Kenshin withdrawal. ;.; I need more Sano/Megumi and Kenshin/Kaoru! ::flails arms around:: ))

                **Stormlight**: Wheee! Ureshii, two of my fave fanfic authors reviewed! ^_^ Arigatou! And I know what you mean by there not being enough Hoto/Miaka fics out there…along with Nuri/Miaka (and Sano/Megumi in RK fandom), they're in short supply…-.- ::sigh:: Is there no one else out there that likes these pairings? 

                And **I **have a Hotohori! ^-^v ::beams and huggles stuffed panda bear:: ::notices odd looks from readers:: What? I named him Hotohori! All right, so it's not quite the same…;.; But I _can_ say that I sleep with Hotohori every night! Bwahaha! ^___^ ::coughs and sweatdrops:: Ahem…on with the fic, then… 

**Chapter Three:**** Memories and a Promise**

                "Its been a while…Saihitei…"

                Hotohori stared at the man, numb—not believing his eyes. After a few silent moments, he spoke, quietly…

                "…Akira…"

                Miaka noticed Hotohori's expression, shifting her gaze first from the disbelieving emperor, then to the dark-haired man who now stood, looking up at Hotohori. _"Akira"…? Who…_ She took a closer look at Akira, and was startled. _He looks…like…_

The smile on Akira's face quickly changed to one of kindness; but his deep grey eyes showed otherwise. 

"So…Aniki turns around, and Otooto-san has grown up…I've been meaning to see you for some time now, Saihitei, but I've been busy with other matters…I hope you don't mind my visiting…?" 

Hotohori's face was completely emotionless; he was too numb to feel anything just then. 

_It's…him. He's here…my…brother…why? _Finally he spoke, almost as if to himself. "Why? Why are you here? Why now?"

                Akira shrugged slightly, waving his hand dismissively. "Just to see how you're doing, really…you truly expected your own brother to _never _visit you? 'Ttaku Saihitei, you may have changed in appearance, but underneath…" He looked up at Hotohori again, and then to his left and right, noticing the seishi and Miaka for the first time. His dark eyes widened slightly, then relaxed—but with a new glint in them. "…or have you…?" he added under his breath.

                Nuriko, standing to Hotohori's left side, noted the brothers' interaction, half-glaring at Akira. _Aniki? He's Hotohori's aniki? They may look similar, but there's a huge change when it comes to personality, from what I can tell..._

Miaka was almost as surprised as Hotohori that Akira was there. _His brother…I never even knew Hotohori had siblings…I don't like the look in his eyes…_

Tasuki, meanwhile, was completely unimpressed by Akira, and scowled. "Yeah, so…ya gonna introduce yerself ta us, 'r what?" he asked, snarling slightly, in his usual impolite manner. The sardonic smile returned to Akira's face, and, continuing to address Hotohori, he spoke. 

                "Ah, your…friends, I presume…"

                He turned to the others, bowing slightly. "Forgive my being so rude…I am Seishuku Akira, 20 years of age…I am Saihitei's half-brother, being of the same father…" He rose from his bow, turning back to Hotohori. "…Would you be so kind as to introduce these kind people to me, Saihitei?"

                Hotohori was fairly uneasy; it was obvious from Akira's tone that he was mocking them, even if only slightly. However, he nodded, motioning first to Chichiri.

"This is Suzaku no Seishi, Ri Houjun, nicknamed Chichiri."

Akira looked the monk over, apparently amused by the mask and hair, then nodded briefly in his direction. Chichiri nodded back; not sure if he should say anything, he remained silent. 

Motioning to Tasuki, Hotohori continued. "Suzaki no Seishi, Kou Shun'u, nicknamed Tasuki."

The mountain bandit continued to glare at Akira, making a slight, faint growling sound in his throat. ((A/N: Ookami…^_~)) Akira merely smiled at this, even more amused. "Charmed…" he said quietly, a hint of sarcasm in his deep voice.

Still uneasy, Hotohori went on, now motioning to Nuriko. 

"Suzaku no Seishi, Chou Ryuuen, nicknamed Nuriko."

This time, Akira smiled, bowing slightly. "What a lovely lady…" he remarked. "…I'm pleased to make your acquaintance." 

Nuriko made no attempts to return the smile; rather, he glared at him. 

"I'm a man, you idiot." 

Akira was visibly surprised, and straightened from his bow; looking Nuriko over again, his expression became twinged with disgust. 

"So I see…forgive me, I was misled by your…feminine appearance."

_Be glad I don't take this to heart, or else I would've punched your pretty face in, slimeball,_ Nuriko thought to himself, continuing to glare at Akira. 

Observing these exchanges in silence, Hotohori motioned finally to Miaka.

"And last, Suzaku no Miko, Miaka Yuuki…" 

Akira turned his gaze to Miaka, a look of surprise on his face. All contempt was gone from his features; rather, he seemed contemplative. When he spoke, his voice was quiet, and thoughtful.

"Then this is her…you always were talking about it…"

Smiling more kindly, he bowed, addressing Miaka. "Hajimemashite, Miko-sama. I've heard many stories about you." Slightly surprised by the change in behavior, Miaka was fairly uneasy. However, trying to remain polite, she returned the greeting, somewhat hesitantly. "A…hajimemashite…" She glanced at Hotohori, unsure what to make of Akira. 

More than just slightly annoyed by Akira's interactions with the seishi, Hotohori turned to his brother; his expression didn't give away any emotion, but his eyes were darker than usual. Finally he spoke—very quietly, but firmly.

"These are my friends, and you _will _treat them with respect…I do not care if you are my half brother, if anything happens to them that is your fault I will make you pay…" The seishi and Miaka were slightly shocked by this, but Akira only chuckled.

"Of course, Otooto-san…nothing less from my younger brother…" He paused, then his expression and tone became serious. "…however, I did not mean to insult. If that's the case, I apologize sincerely. If you wish, I will leave immediately…" The last sentence was spoken with a tinge of guilt, causing Hotohori to look slightly guilty himself.

"We did not intend to make you uneasy…we were merely stating that while you're here, you will act appropriately, understood?" Hotohori's voice was weary as he spoke, as if bearing an ancient weight. Akira bowed his head in respect—acting completely different from the way he had on first impression. 

"Hai, of course…I understand." He looked up again, before continuing. "If you do not mind…I would like to speak to you alone…it's been a very, very long time since we've talked…" Pausing, he lowered his voice, so that no one could hear his next words, "Too many years…and distance between us, always…but that's how it is…"

Hotohori nodded. "Of course…" Turning to the seishi and Miaka, he added, "If you would please excuse us for a while." The four left without a word, slightly confused by the sudden change in personality from Akira, but not questioning Hotohori's wishes. Akira watched them leave, then turned to Hotohori; he smiled, but his eyes remained emotionless as he spoke.

"You seem to be doing well…and it looks as though the ancient prophesy has come true, has it not? You always did say you would make Suzaku no Miko love you…I see it in that girl's eyes." He chuckled softly. "I envy you, Saihitei."

Hotohori shook his head slightly. "I didn't make her love me…" he said quietly. "I admit that at first, I forced myself on her…I stopped after a while, almost giving up…but something…I don't know what…happened, and now she loves me…She's not mine, I don't own her…her spirit is too wild to be owned…yet she stays here…with me, and the seishi…and for that…I am grateful."

                Akira looked at him a moment in silence, then replied, softly.

                "I congratulate you, Saihitei…" He paused, then continued, even more quietly, "…your dreams were realized…" He stood for a while without saying anything, then spoke more loudly. "I suppose there is an heir, then? As you're 18, your advisors must be pressuring you more…but seeing as you've found someone you love that deeply, I'm sure if she is not already your empress, both these things will come with time…hopefully soon, for your sake…"

                Hotohori looked away.

                "No, there isn't an heir. I don't even know if she would want to be my empress…but I do know that I can't put it off for that much longer, my advisors request that I have an heir…and it is needed for my country…there's nothing I can do about that no matter how I try…" He trailed off, then continued, more to himself than to Akira. "I have considered choosing another as my empress…and I could never do that. I love Miaka, and no one else could ever make me feel the way she does…I just don't want to hurt her, or force the subject on her. I did that once before, and I know now not to do it again…" After he had finished, he stood there in silence—quiet, thoughtful. Akira listened to everything he was saying, an unreadable expression on his face.

                "Then…she must be very important to you…if you would risk that, for her sake…"

                Hotohori nodded. "…She is…even before she loved me, she was the first one who was able to see past the emperor to me, the man…" _I don't want to have anything forced on her like it was for me…_

Akira contemplated this in silence; then, after a while, he spoke, bowing. "Gomen nasai…I'm afraid I've been keeping you too long…I shall see you later, then? Your attendants have already informed me as to where my room is, I think I'll be able to find it on my own…take care." At that, he walked out of the room, not waiting for a reply. Hotohori watched him leave, deep in thought. 

                _Why is he here? He never cared before; why should he care now? Why did he want to know about Miaka? He's my brother…my aniki…yet I haven't seen him for at least half a decade, if not longer…_

* * *

                "Excuse me…can you inform me of where Suzaku no Miko-sama is?"

                Walking down the hall, Akira had stopped to get instructions from a passing attendant. After being pointed in the right direction, he nodded in thanks before starting off down the hall again. He stopped in front of the door to Hotohori's chambers and knocked.

                "Sumimasen…Miko-sama? I'd like to have a word, if you don't mind…"

                Miaka was unpacking her belongings from her room; she looked up at the sound of the knock, surprised. _Akira-san? Why is he here? Wasn't he just with Hotohori? _"Um…hai, come in."

                Akira opened the door, walking into the room and bowing slightly. "Konnichiwa, Miko-sama. I'm sorry if I've come at a bad time."

                Miaka was slightly uneasy; from just the introduction in the throne room, she wasn't sure what to make of him. 

                "Um…no, that's all right…demo, weren't you just with Hoto—er, Saihitei? What did you want to see me for?" _I guess he wouldn't know him by Hotohori…_

Akira nodded. "Hai, I was just talking to him…about you, in fact." He sighed, continuing more quietly. "You know…Saihitei always got his way…his happiness…do you think I'll be content to watch as he continues his life this way? That's why I came here…" Seeing her shocked expression, he waved his hand dismissively, smirking slightly. "Oh, I don't plan on doing anything just yet…demo…I thought I'd tell you something that may be of interest to you…"

                Miaka could barely believe what she was hearing. This man—his own _brother_—was openly telling her that he was planning on doing something to Hotohori? A look of disgust crept onto her features, and she shook her head fiercely, pointing to the door.

                "You come in here, tell me _that_, and expect me to listen to _more_? I can report you to the guards now, and I will if you don't get the _hell _out of here…" She didn't care if it was unlike her to say something like that; she was mad, and wanted him to leave—the sooner the better.

                The sardonic grin from earlier returned to Akira's face. 

                "Is that so? Then I suppose you already know the exact position he's in right now…without an heir, and an empress…you realize his advisors are pressuring him more every day? If it weren't for the fact that he loves you so much…if it weren't for the fact that he doesn't want to hurt you, his advisors would undoubtedly already have chosen a woman to bear a son for him…do you realize what he sacrifices…all for your sake?"

                Miaka absorbed what he was saying in silence. _An heir…? Empress? I'd…never really thought about that…except for the few times he had mentioned it when I first came here…and…sacrifices…then, just so I'm not…hurt… _Confusion apparent in her hazel eyes, she shook her head. "What do you…what do you mean…?"

                Akira continued to smile, and replied quietly. "I'm sure…that you are able to figure that out, Miko-sama…I bid you good day, and perhaps farewell, as I may not speak to you again…" He lowered his voice before continuing. "…but I will be here…until I've completed what I came for…" Once he had finished, he turned and walked out of the room, closing the door behind him. 

                _Why…? He wants to hurt Hotohori, doesn't he…but…what he said…I know he's not lying…what he told me… _Miaka lay down on the bed, gazing up at the ceiling, a blank expression on her face. _…was true…_

* * *

                The sun had just set, the shades of red and pink fading into a deep midnight blue, and finally into velvety black. Hotohori walked down the corridor, stopping in front of his room and knocking on the door. "Miaka…are you in there? Can I come in?" _It feels sort of strange to knock on my own door, but…it wouldn't be right to just open the door and walk in…_

Miaka looked up at the sound of Hotohori's voice, and got under the covers of the bed, shivering slightly. "Oh…hai…" _I can't go out there…not if Akira's still here…I just can't, knowing that…what he said…_

Hotohori entered the room, seeing Miaka under the covers of the bed. "Are you all right? You weren't around all day…" _I was getting lonely…I missed you when you weren't there…_

"Un…I just don't feel well, that's all…I thought I'd rest for a while…" Miaka replied quietly. _I should tell him…what he said…but…_

Hotohori looked at her, concerned. _I don't know what it is…but somehow your eyes tell me that it is something else… _"Are you sure that's all it is? I don't know how to say this…but the look in your eyes tells me a different story…"

                Miaka looked up at him; when she spoke, her voice was soft, quiet. "Hotohori…stay away from him, please…" 

                _Him? She means Akira…doesn't she? _Hotohori walked over to the bed, a confused look on his face. "You mean Akira? Why?"

                Miaka looked down, thinking back to what Akira had told her. _"…do you think I'll be content to watch as he continues his life this way…?" _"He wants to hurt you…that's all he came here for…just stay away from him…" She closed her eyes to keep a tear from escaping, the latter part of what he'd said circulating through her mind. _Hotohori…is it true? That just so you won't hurt me…_

Hotohori was becoming more concerned by the minute. "Miaka, what's wrong? Something's not right…did he say anything to you…?"

                After a few moments, Miaka opened her eyes again, speaking softly. "Why didn't you tell me…how much your advisors are pressuring you…about an heir, and an empress…" She paused. "He said you did it so you wouldn't hurt me…why…would it hurt me…?"

                Hotohori jumped at that, startled. "He told you about…about their pressuring for an heir…?"

                Miaka looked down. "Hai, he told me…and I know he wasn't lying about it, either…" She looked back up at him, her eyes seeking a truthful reply. Hotohori looked down at the floor, turned slightly away from the bed. When he spoke, his voice was quiet. "I didn't want to push you too fast…I didn't want to make you feel as though it was your job…or your fault…or blame yourself for anything…I pushed you before, and I would never want to do that again…I know what it's like to be forced into something that changes your whole life forever…and I would never want to have you go through anything like that…that's why…"

                Miaka sat up slightly and looked down at her hands. "I…when I first started having feelings for you, I never gave any thought to that at all…demo…" She paused, not sure how to put her thoughts into words. "…I wouldn't…feel like I was being forced…because…" She trailed off, not looking up at him; then, after a few moments in silence, she continued again. "I love you…I finally realize that now…and I want to stay with you…"

                Hotohori spoke his thoughts out loud, slightly sad. "You love me…demo…would that be your choice, or would you just be agreeing with my advisors…saying that if I don't have an heir soon, the whole country will be at risk of losing their empire…? Would you willingly put aside your whole life…just to be with me…for me…? I don't want to force you into anything…never should anyone be forced into anything…especially not you…"

                Miaka stayed silent, then climbed out of the bed; embracing him from behind, she wrapped her arms around him, her head against his back. She spoke softly, her voice filled with emotion. "Hotohori…Saihitei…even if you weren't emperor…even if your advisors never said a word…I belong here, with you…forever…" 

                Hotohori seemed to melt within her embrace, his heart melting as well. "Miaka…aishiteru…zutto, aishiteru…" He closed his golden eyes, to keep tears from escaping. Miaka remained silent a moment; taking a breath, she began speaking again.

                "I…when he told me…I was afraid that maybe…your advisors had pressured you enough to make you choose someone else…since it's an immediate need…and that was why you didn't want to hurt me…"

                "I would never do that…I love you…and I couldn't ever push myself to choose someone else, because I wouldn't want to hurt them by not loving them…or hurt you because I gave up on you…If I had done that, I'd never forgive myself, so I had to endure lecture after lecture from my advisors about this…it's an immediate need, like you said…but I got through it…for you…for you, I'm willing to make any sacrifice I can…that's how much I love you."

                Miaka closed her eyes, resting against him, content just to hear his voice. "You'll have a beautiful son…he'll have your kindness…your strength…your love for your people…kitto…"

                "He'll have your determination…your inner beauty…and your free spirit…kitto…" Hotohori smiled gently, feeling the warmth of her resting against him, and shut his eyes.

                "Then…are you going to tell your advisors…? So they won't pressure you anymore…"

Hotohori still stood, his eyes closed and a gentle smile on his face. "Yes…I will talk to them and tell them…arigatou, Miaka…" 

                Miaka shook her head. "Iie…I should be the one thanking you…for helping me see what I was too blind to understand before…for helping me find myself…arigatou…" Suddenly remembering the encounter earlier with Akira, Miaka sat down on the bed, looking down at the floor. "Hotohori…I'm afraid…Akira wants…to ruin your happiness…I can't go back out there…not with him still here…"

                Hotohori turned around to face her, a look of sadness of his face. 

                "I won't force you to go back…demo…I can't make him leave…his is my brother, whether I like it or not…and I can't force him to leave…he hasn't done anything that he can be charged with…"

                Miaka lay down and closed her eyes. "I know…I know. Just promise me that whatever he does, you won't let him hurt you…I don't want to see you hurt…" She continued more quietly. "If he does hurt you…I don't care if he's your brother…he'll pay, I'll make sure of it…" She opened her eyes again, thinking. _Akira…he must have a reason why he wants to hurt Hotohori…but I don't care what it is…he's nothing like Hotohori, nothing. Just by looking in their eyes, you can see how truly different they are…"_

Hotohori's expression softened, a sad smile coming to his face. "I wish that things could be different between the two of us…" Looking out the window to see the moon, Hotohori lay down on the bed beside Miaka. _My brother…he's come back…never in all the world would I have expected him to be here…yet I know he's up to something… _A slightly troubled expression came over his features. 

                Miaka pulled the covers over herself, shivering slightly. "Hotohori…were you two ever close? I never even knew you had siblings, until he came…" _It doesn't look like they had a close relationship…if they did, he wouldn't want to hurt him…_

Hotohori replied quietly, his voice sad. "When I was small, he was…different. I remember that when I was lonely, being a prince, he was there to be my friend, because he was in the same situation as me. But over the years…I guess he thought that I was always better off, and he became jealous of me…yet I know that no matter what, he was better off than I was…I have other siblings…yet, if they remember me at all, they're probably jealous too…making them keep their distance…" _One day, Akira just wasn't there anymore…no one would tell me where he went… _Thinking out loud, sadly and quietly, he continued. "Everyone was always jealous of me…they don't know how much luckier they were…"

                Miaka turned over to look at him; his features were lit in a beam of moonlight, making him look sad and frail, as if he were still the young, lonely boy he spoke of. She touched his hand lightly, speaking in a quiet, gentle tone, tinged with a slight sadness. "Demo…if you hadn't been who you were, who you are…you would never have met any of the seishi…and I never would have met you…" She spoke the next sentence even more quietly. "I never want you to be lonely again…that's why I'm here…and right here…is where I'll always be…"

                Hotohori looked over at her, a gentle smile on his features again; pulling her into an embrace, he spoke. "I will never be lonely again…because you make all the shadows go away…like a beam of light…and this is where you'll always be…" He took her hand and put it on his chest, right over his heart. "…right next to my heart…always…" 

                And with that, the couple fell asleep in each others arms…

End Chapter Three 

Aniki: older brother

Otooto: younger brother

Hajimemashite: nice to meet you

Gomen nasai: I'm sorry

Un: yeah

Hai: yes

Demo: but

Aishiteru: I love you

Zutto: always

Kitto: surely


	4. Chapter Four :: Encounter

Disclaimer: Fushigi Yuugi and its characters belong to Yuu Watase and associates. I'm not Yuu Watase, and I'm not one of her associates. I think you can do the math.

**Author's Note: **Gomen for the delay in updates here…I've been really busy lately with homework, blahdeeblah. ._. I'll try to be more consistent in posting new material from now on.

                This chapter is a bit of a turning point in the story…everything was kind of happy before, but things start to get darker now—it'll definitely be apparent in a few chapters, when everything will _really_ change for the characters, especially Hotohori and Miaka. So for those of you who expected light fluff all the way...sorry, but that ain't gonna happen. ^_~ Not that I'll cut down on the romance or anything (and yes, there'll still be waffyness), but in order for the plot to unfold not everything can be all flowers and sunshine. The fic will definitely start to earn its R rating soon (not sure what chapter it will be, but within the next four or so)…so I'm just making sure you all know that so it doesn't come as a shock or anything. ^_^ Hopefully that won't stop you from reading and reviewing! Teresa and I are working really hard on it! ;.; Honto~!

**FishyKittie:** You'll find out! All that'll be revealed eventually. ^_~ (Ooo..so mysterious! ::hears snickers from readers and thwaps them over the head:: x_x ::grumbles:: Shut up, I'm trying…)

**Khai-chan:** Look! It's another chapter! ^_^ ::points to text below::

**Shinime:** ::gasp:: It's the other author of this fic! Everybody wave to Teresa-chan! X3

**shnickers:** Ohhh! That would be so great if you wrote a Hoto/Miaka fic! Let me know if you do, I'll look forward to reading it. ^_^ (BTW—I completely agree on your list of couples in your profile. Shaoran and Sakura doesn't work at all…x_x Sakura should die…::mutters::) 

**g3ozlizh:** I'll try to update this frequently…x_x If I didn't have school stuff, I would work on it every day. ;_; But thanks! ^_^ And I look forward to reading the next chapter of your fic, too. ^_~

**Chapter Four:**** Encounter**

                _Explaining that to my advisors was easier than I thought…they were relieved, overjoyed even…I just don't want to rush Miaka into something she's not ready for yet…but I love her all the more for agreeing. _

                Hotohori was standing in the throne room, looking out the window at the courtyard outside; the sunlight reflected off the water like a mirror, the birds singing the song of early morning. He had just gotten back from a meeting with his advisors, explaining to them that—finally—he had chosen an empress. Glad to have the weight taken off his shoulders, he decided that he would enjoy the rest of the morning and have some time to himself; it was early, and Miaka and the other seishi were sound asleep. Soon, however, he was startled out of his thoughts by a deep voice from behind him.

                "Kirei…you always talked about how much you wished you could fly free, just as those birds do…do you still wish for that?"

                Hotohori turned around, slightly surprised to find Akira standing there, speaking as though they had been in conversation the whole time. Hotohori returned his gaze to the window.

                "With all my heart, I wish I were able to take off and fly free…like the birds…but I doubt that I will ever get a chance to do so…"

                Akira remained silent a moment, then spoke quietly. "As do I…free from this fate I've been resigned to…from this hell…" He stopped, lowering his voice even more. "…that I _could_ be free from…if it weren't for you…"

                Startled, Hotohori turned away from the window to look at Akira. "Why do you say that? What have I ever done to you to make you feel that way?"

                Akira's face was emotionless, with the exception of his deep gray eyes; now pools of hatred, bitterness, and countless other emotions that he had kept in check until then. "Why…why, you ask…only because, dear otooto, you stole everything from me…my dreams, ambitions…my life…" he answered quietly, his voice low and icy. 

                Sensing this hatred from Akira, Hotohori was confused. "How could I have stolen your life? I was always there, always following you…how could I have taken anything from you?"

                Akira replied in a sardonic tone, a similar smile touching his lips. "It's so like you, Saihitei…always unsuspecting…simply a puppet being pulled by invisible strings, therefore dull in the ways of emotions…never able to make your own decisions, ne? You didn't want to be emperor…I saw that…that's why I comforted you, in hopes that perhaps the position would be given to me…alas, I didn't understand my true intentions then. I really did like you, thinking of you as a brother, but more a friend…if I had known then what I know now, I would have refused to believe what my emotions told me…but I understand now, and have understood for many years…" His eyes saddened briefly, but that emotion left as quickly as it came. "…do you know…what I went through…after you had been chosen as emperor…? Do you even know…why I left…? What I went through then, as well…?"

                Hotohori was even more surprised than before. " 'What you know now?' What has happened to you, aniki?" _What he went through…I would've gladly switched places with him had I been able to, but now…now that I know Miaka…I don't know anymore. Why is he so angry? What did I do to him? What did he go through that he thinks is so horrible?_

Hating the slight hint of pity in Hotohori's voice, Akira turned away. "You really want to know…? Fine…I'll tell you…" When he continued, his voice was quiet, tinged with a bitter sadness that had not been present before. "My mother…wanted nothing more than for me to be emperor, as did yours…she saw you as my biggest threat, and as I was older, pushed me even harder. Sometimes, I couldn't take it…sometimes, there just wasn't anything left to live for…I was trapped. I couldn't escape life, for I wanted with all my being to be emperor…and yet, I wanted death with all my being, as well. After you were chosen as heir, I was…" He shuddered slightly in memory. "…punished…however…I stayed at the palace, and came to know you as my brother. I forgot my problems then, so as to aid you in yours…" His voice dropped even more, to barely above a whisper. "Demo…I'll bet you never even noticed…when they took me away…you never said goodbye to your 'aniki', did you…? They killed her…my mother…and they tried to kill me, as well…but I escaped, and hid. For the last decade, that's where I've been…alone…in the dark…I spent this time trying to understand why…why I had to be alone…" He looked up at Hotohori, his face expressionless. "…and all my answers…traced back to you…"

                Hotohori stepped back, his eyes widening. "What do you mean, 'I'll bet you never noticed when they took me away'? Of course I noticed…but I couldn't do anything…one day you were there with me…my aniki…and the next you weren't. Every time I asked where you were, they told me it wasn't important and assigned me with extra work…after a year, I gave up trying…but I always cared. How could I have the blame, when I didn't even know what was going on around me?" 

                Akira looked down, shaking slightly, his right hand clenching around a small, shining object; he spoke quietly. "Urusai…" A single tear fell from his eye to the ground, his teeth clenching with his fist. "**Urusai!!**" Losing his temper completely, he took his clenched fist and raised it, punching Hotohori in the jaw and knocking him backwards slightly. Panting, another tear fell to the ground, his voice filled with bitterness. "Don't tell me that…don't tell me that you cared!! It doesn't matter anymore!! Don't give me that bullshit…not knowing what was happening around you…you never knew what was happening around you!! You still don't!! People suffer in this empire because of your ignorance…because of your ignorance, I had a nice 'chat' with your would-be empress last night…perhaps if I had stayed longer with her, I would have had my chance to ruin your happiness…" The next sentence he spoke under his breath, his hand still clenched as it had been a moment before. "Kisama…you never deserved it…"

                Hotohori brought a hand to his face where Akira had punched him; he sat there in shock as Akira's words ran through his mind. _"People suffer in this empire because of your ignorance…" "…perhaps…I would have had my chance to ruin your happiness…" "Kisama…you never deserved it…" _A single tear escaped his golden eyes as he leaned back against the wall, staring into Akira's eyes. _"Kisama…you never deserved it…"_

Akira chuckled slightly, a bitter smile on his face, but tears were still visible in his dark eyes. "Hm…have I made otooto-san cry? Gomen nasai, Saihitei…but not everything in life can be laid out for you on a silver platter. You may have your eyes shut to the world, but I can still see…I can still see everything you cannot…" He punched Hotohori again, harder this time, the object in his clenched fist glowing more—a translucent silver-white. "Feel that? That's the pain that I faced when I did not become emperor…only harder…" He punched him once more, hard enough that it drew blood, knocking Hotohori back into the wall. "Miaka-san…loves you so much already that she would sacrifice her life, her being, to you…I see these things, Saihitei…I know them. But you…would you do the same for her? You say you love her more than anything…I heard the meeting with your advisors…" He chuckled slightly. "Do you understand how much of herself she would give to you? And if you do…would you be willing to give the same amount back? What about to your people? There's only so much of you, Saihitei…do you really think everyone lives in happiness? You truly are blind…"

                Blood ran down the side of Hotohori's face, mingling with a few tears; he leaned against the wall, looking into Akira's eyes. "I love Miaka…I always will, with all of my heart…and I love my people. I want my people to be happy, I want Miaka to be happy, I want everyone to be content.…but you're right…there's only so much of me. I have no idea as to what goes on outside…I am always seeing things through other people's descriptions…so yes, I am blind…but I love my people."

                Akira was slightly surprised by his words, but only for a moment. A sudden clap of thunder sounded, and rain began to pour in sheets to the earth, streaking down the window pane. He smiled sardonically. "Your birds have ceased their singing, Saihitei…I suggest you cease, as well…" The object glowing even brighter, but was still hidden from view, as Akira punched Hotohori repeatedly in the stomach, knocking him to the ground. Akira then pocketed the item and kicked him, the smile disappearing from his face. He spoke quietly, slowly. "You love them…demo…why should you…have the right to love…? I never did…I never will. That's why…I'll take everything from you…your dignity…your happiness…everything…" He kicked him again, unleasing all of his anger, his bitterness, and directing it and Hotohori.

                The emperor shut his eyes, feeling every one of Akira's kicks in his rib cage, each one closer to breaking his bones; he coughed, the metallic taste of blood in his mouth. Speaking quietly, Hotohori opened his eyes to look up at Akira. "Why do I…have the right…to love? You know…about my life…tell me…am I really happy?" _Why do I love? If what he says is true…what right do I have to be happy while others suffer?_

Akira stepped back slightly, surprised by the look in Hotohori's eyes. _The same…they're the same as ten years ago…dark…empty…a man so easily broken… _He forced the bitterness to resurface, kicking Hotohori once more, harder than any of the other times. "Ask yourself that question, Saihitei…I think you'll find the answer if you look hard enough…" he said coldly. _For now…this will do…but not yet. I haven't achieved what I came for yet… _ He began walking towards out of the throne room; not once stopping to look back, he allowed the door to slam behind him. Hotohori watched Akira leave, then lapsed into a coughing spasm.

                _What is my purpose here after all? My people aren't safe or happy…what kind of an emperor does that make me? A nobody…even though I am the emperor, no one really knows me…not even Miaka… _A recent, but some how distant, memory resurfaced from the back of his mind, one he had pushed away the past few days; an emotion he thought had left him…an emptiness… 

                Tears began to run down Hotohori's face, harder than they had before, as he curled himself into a ball on the floor under the open window. The rain beat down more heavily as if in time with him…yet the silence between the claps of thunder revealed sobs that no level of anguish could match…

End Chapter Four 

Kirei: pretty, beautiful

Otooto: younger brother

Aniki: older brother

Demo: but, however

Urusai: shut up

Kisama: bastard

Gomen nasai: I'm sorry


	5. Chapter Five :: Into the Darkness

Standard disclaimers apply.

**Author's Note**: Wai! Thanks to everyone who's reviewed so far. As long as there are reviews…we'll keep posting chapters! ^_^ I know I haven't been good about consistant updates…gomen. ._. I just started school a week ago and already the teachers have swamped us with homework…I figure updates will be between 2 and 4 weeks depending on how much free time I have. 

                I've also been trying to improve on my writing…so I've been testing a few different writing techniques (which may not be completely apparent yet, but I hope that by the end of this fic I ((and the rest of you)) will be able to see improvement). Gomen if this chapter is shorter than the others…I either had to make it shorter or extremely long according to what Teresa and I have written. . And I used a little artistic license on how the seishi "sense" each other…but then, they never really explain it in the anime or manga, so I figure I can do what I want with it without totally messing up the story. ^_^;;  

****

**Chapter Five:**** Into the Darkness**

                "Che…overslept…but it's dark enough with all this damn rain to be night, anyway…"

                It was around noon in Konan, yet the rain hadn't let up at all, and the sky had continued to darken to a deep shade of angry blue-gray. Tasuki found himself wandering the corridors alone, the rest of the seishi undoubtedly up and going about their daily business. Mitsukake and Chiriko hadn't shown their faces since the incident with Tamahome; Chiriko was continuing his studies, and Mitsukake was, well…being the usual anti-social Mitsu they all knew, and spending time to himself. Actually, this wasn't entirely true, for a sickness had been spreading throughout the northern region of Konan, and he was asked to help out with it. Hopefully, his return would be soon.

                Tasuki continued his aimless walk through the palace, no real destination in mind. It had been quiet since Akira's arrival—a little too quiet for the ex-bandit's liking.

                _Aw, well…I guess it's only been a day…can't expect something to happen every minute…_

Tasuki took another step forward—and suddenly felt an unbearable burning on his right arm. Cursing, he lifted it up to look at it, and saw that his "wing" character was glowing a bright scarlet red… 

                _The only time this happens…is when one of us…_

He took a step back to test. The glow immediately faded, as did the sixth sense all the seishi got whenever another was hurt or in danger. Normally it could be felt from far away, but ever since the death of Tamahome that sense had seemed to be dampened. Cursing again, he began walking forward once more, allowing the steadily brightening glow of his symbol to lead him in the right direction.

                Finally, he found himself standing outside the large double doors to the throne room. The feeling was strongest here, and without hesitating, he pushed open the mahogany doors with ease. 

                The room was unnaturally dark and quiet, with the exception of the sound of the rain, continuously pelting against the windows as if trying to break them down. One of them was open, and rain poured in through it, making a dull pattering sound on the throne room floor. Tasuki stood in silence a moment, a feeling of uneasiness washing over him. 

                _That's odd…why the hell is it so empty in here? No guards…barely any light at all…I **know** I sensed something… Might as well shut that window, if nothing else._

Tasuki made his way over to the window, and stopped as the burning sensation returned to his arm. 

                "Fuck…it _still _doesn't look like there's anybody here…so why's this happening?!" he muttered to himself, curses continuing to stream from his mouth. 

                A sudden flash of lightening put a stop to all movement or sound from the ex-bandit. It only lit the room for a second, but that was enough to show him what lay under the open window…

                _It…is it…can't be…_

"…Hotohori-sama…?!"

                …It was cold. So cold… But that wasn't what mattered anymore. Then…if it didn't, what did? Did anything matter? Did anyone care? Was anything or anyone real? It didn't seem like it…the rain had pounded mercilessly down on him for what seemed like years, never ceasing, and not once showing a sign of ending at all. It mocked him, the droplets sharp and painful against his wounded body, egging him to get up, to fight back. He only lay there as silent tears ran down his cheeks; those tears, the weak attempt to fight back, were lost among the stinging hatred—the truth—of the rain. Curled up in the corner, defenseless, he admitted his defeat as the tears finally ceased, as truth overtook the lie everything else had been.

 Perhaps it would go on forever…perhaps it would never stop… Those words kept echoing through his mind, and he no longer felt anything else…except for pain…he still could feel pain… 

                A voice; one other than his thoughts. Had he come back? Had he come back to kill him? Perhaps death would have been better…yes…death was better. It wasn't as though he'd never thought of it before… 

"Hotohori-sama!"

                Tasuki repeated himself, gently shaking the limp body of the emperor. 

                _Goddamnit!! He can't be **dead**…where the hell are the guards? How long has he been here?_

"Hotohori-sama!!"

                The voice was louder this time. With some effort, Hotohori lifted his head to gaze into the frantic amber eyes of the ex-bandit. The heavy mist around his senses cleared, and suddenly he was aware of everything: where he was, what had happened, the state he was in… His previously tear-filled golden eyes widened in horror, reality becoming worse than the escape that was his thoughts.

                _…Is that Tasuki? Once he's seen me like this…oh god…_

The eyes that were usually so calm and at ease became liquid gold, tears springing from their pain-filled depths once more. He curled up again, the flow of tears almost matching that of the hated, spiteful rain.

                _Why can't I just disappear and let everyone live in peace?_

Blood trickled down the side of his face, was in his mouth…even taste seemed bitter. The "reality" Akira brought to him had shattered everything…

                **_…A man so easily broken…_**   

                Tasuki knelt down on the floor next to his fellow seishi and emperor, disbelieving that anyone so cool and controlled could have gotten into this state. He looked Hotohori up and down, his eyebrows furrowed in concern.

                "Damnit…whoever—or whatever—did this to you really had it in for ya…" he muttered, mostly to himself, for Hotohori showed no signs of listening at that moment. Finally the emperor raised his head again to look up at him, his eyes still glistening with tears, and the ex-bandit took that opportunity without a second thought.

                "We need to get you to a doctor or somethin'…yer hurt pretty damn bad…" Tasuki reached his hand out to help Hotohori up. "Here…I'll carry you if y'can't stand…who did this to you? Why weren't your guards here…? Well…whoever it was…_damn_…I wish Mitsukake hadn't gone off like that…"

                _…I have to stop crying…people would be worried, and they wouldn't really care…they'd just fake it anyway… _Hotohori forced the tears to stop, then sat up all too quickly—a stab of pain ran over his ribs, causing him to squeeze his eyes shut and lean against the wall for support. Realizing that he must have been injured pretty badly for it to hurt that much, he stayed in that position until the hurting had subsided a bit. _I only got what I deserved… _Tears of pain formed and glistened in his eyes as he looked up at Tasuki…yet all sparkle seemed to be lost from their golden depths.

                The flame-haired youth became uneasy and extremely concerned, never having seen his comrade in this kind of condition before. 

                "Here…" he said quietly, "I'll carry you to the medical wing…you definitely can't walk like this…" He gingerly took Hotohori's arms and placed them around his neck so that he was secure, then with some difficulty, he picked the emperor up. Without waiting for a verbal response, Tasuki made his way out of the throne room and towards the infirmary, the sound of his footsteps echoing off the walls…

                _No matter what I do…I'm always relying on people for help…I…I am pathetic…demo… _In a pained voice, Hotohori strained for words. "Arigatou…Tasuki…arigatou…" Soon the pain became too much…and he lost consciousness…

End Chapter Five 


	6. Chapter Six :: untitled for now oO

Standard disclaimers apply.

**Chapter Six****: **

                "Then…you're saying he'll be bedridden for at least a month? _Damn _it…" 

                The infirmary of the palace was a small, generally unoccupied cluster of rooms, only used when someone residing in the palace had a medical emergency of some sort. This, Tasuki thought, was an emergency, and thus he had brought the wounded emperor to the skilled practitioners who worked and studied there. The physician examining the emperor had his eyebrows furrowed in concern and concentration; to have their emperor out of action was distressing to say the least, and not knowing who or what had dealt him the damage only caused more confusion.

                "Well, perhaps not that long…but some of these injuries contracted by Kotei-heika are fairly serious…" The doctor shook his head, knowing that the news would undoubtedly be spread through the empire quickly. "It's not my place to say this, but I am surprised there were no guards there when this occurred…"

                _So am I, _Tasuki thought grimly, his amber eyes darker than usual. _How am I going to tell the others?_

"You do realize that visitors will be limited?"

                This statement brought the ex-bandit out of his thoughts, and he scowled slightly, trying to keep his temper in check at the statement obviously directed at him.

                "Yeah, I realize that…but I honestly don't think Kotei-heika would mind a few close friends visiting, do you?"

                The doctor frowned, but nodded and bit his tongue, knowing that the Suzaku seishi were to be respected. "If the visit is quick, then I suppose I can allow it."

                Tasuki had already walked over to the infirmary door and, opening it, gave a curt nod to the physician. "Be back in a sec."

* * *

                When Tasuki returned to the infirmary, three others were with him—Chichiri, Nuriko, and Miaka. While he wasn't sure how they would take it, he knew that he had to let them know; and it would be known throughout the empire in no time, anyway. A grim look on his face, he opened the infirmary door, beckoning the others in. 

                "He's in here…"

                The two seishi walked in after the ex-bandit, but Miaka remained at the threshold, her hazel eyes fixed on the floor.  When Tasuki had come to her saying Hotohori was hurt, he gave no other details; stubborn, she wouldn't allow her mind to believe it…but something told her that if she looked up, her eyes would. Finally, her gaze still fixated on the ground, she walked in—and when she raised her head to look at Hotohori, she gave a small gasp. The doctors had cleaned him up for the most part, but he was still unconscious. Nothing—_nothing_—that had happened previously had put the emperor in this condition…

                The seishi, excluding Tasuki, had similar responses. Nuriko averted his violet eyes upon entering the room, unable to bring himself to look, and the expression on Chichiri's now un-masked face showed that he was as perplexed as the rest.  

                With a concerned look, Tasuki glanced at the seishi and Miaka, then over to Hotohori's unconscious figure. The long, dark hair made his features seem pallid, and despite the lack of expression on the emperor's face, everyone in the room knew that if he were awake that expression would be of pain. 

                Feeling as though he owed some kind of explanation to them, Tasuki tried to find words that would explain the situation, despite the fact that he knew almost nothing himself. 

                "He was like this when I found him…I honestly don't know what happened…"

                Numbness passed over Miaka at these words, and she felt her body begin to tremble slightly.

                _Like this…when you found him…_

Unable to take it any longer, she hurried over to the bed and kneeled down next to it, laying her head on the mattress near where Hotohori's hand was. A single tear dampened her lashes as she closed her eyes, grasping his hand in hers as if for comfort. _What happened to you…? Please…please be all right…_

Chichiri sensed Miaka's pain—also noticing that the feeling it gave was not that of concern for a friend, but for something more. A maroon eye widened briefly in mild surprise, then relaxed in understanding as the monk placed a comforting hand on Miaka's shoulder; not knowing the right words to say, but feeling the need to console her nonetheless. Turning to face the seishi, he nodded. "I think it's time for us to leave, no da…"

                Miaka lifted her head slightly, assuming the comment was directed at her as well; but seeing the look on Chichiri's mask-less face, she realized it was a signal that the seishi were going to leave…allowing her time alone with the injured emperor. Before she could respond, Tasuki and Nuriko had exited the room, and Chichiri had given her a brief smile before leaving, too. 

                _He must know, then…_

Glancing at Hotohori, she stood up and pulled a chair over to the bed, sitting down in it and trying to keep more tears from escaping. The doctor who had been tending to the emperor had left, leaving her essentially alone in the room—alone to her thoughts.

                _I can't cry anymore…I've cried too much lately, and I hate that…I don't want to be viewed as the girl who needs to be protected; I want to **help **protect. So things like this can be prevented…_

_…I want to know what happened to you…_

* * *

                The emperor of Konan slowly found himself drifting back into consciousness, not moving at all except for his hand, which he clenched as if to rid the rest of his body of hurt by bringing pressure to another part. The pain was still great, and Hotohori kept his eyes shut, breathing beginning to hurt him as well, for his breaths had become more frequent as he was waking up.

                It was now well into the night, and Miaka had kept by Hotohori's side the entire day, not once sleeping or moving from her spot on the chair. His shallow breathing telling her that he was awake, she became more alert. A sad and worried look came onto her face upon seeing his pain, and she stroked his hair soothingly. 

                "Shh…it's all right…try to breathe more slowly…"

                Without really registering in his mind who was speaking, Hotohori kept his eyes shut and did as she said, his efforts futile. His chest began to hurt even more, but soon he felt a gentle, familiar hand stroking his hair. 

                _Is that…Miaka? God, why does she have to be here…why does she have to see me…like this… I must seem so pathetic to her, I can't even breathe right, let alone talk to her…_

Miaka remained silent for a few moments, then felt that something needed to be said. "Daijoubu… Tasuki brought you in here earlier, and they cleaned you up…you should be fine, under their care…" She hesitated, and then continued. "If it's any comfort at all…I'll be here…"

                _I promised myself that I would stay…because you would do the same for me…_

At the last sentence, Hotohori opened his eyes for the first time to look at her—their expression filled with pain, anger, fear, and loneliness all at once. _Why would anyone want to stay with me? I am not worth anything like that…not after what he showed me…_

Miaka saw the look in his eyes, causing her own to widen slightly. She had seen that look before…that darkness in their depths that had been there despite Hotohori's attempts to hide it…but it had been gone since the events of a few days ago, why was it here now? Suddenly remembering Akira's words, realization dawned on her.     

                "Akira…" she whispered numbly. "…Akira…" 

Hotohori looked up at Miaka, the same expression in his eyes.       _She knows Akira, in a way…she probably knows who did this then, and why. I am a pathetic excuse for an emperor…an even worse excuse for a man…why do I even deserve to live if people suffer when I'm around? If what he said is true…? _Tears filled their golden depths that he wouldn't let fall in front of Miaka, tears of pain and grief. However, Miaka noticed the tears despite his efforts to hide them, and her own eyes immediately glittered with concern. 

                "Hotohori…what did he do to you?" 

                A single tear ran down Hotohori's cheek as he looked up at Miaka, and after a few moments he turned his head away to hide more tears that were streaming down his face. Closing his eyes, he tried to stop the flow, but knew that she had seen. 

Realizing his pain, a feeling of anger built up inside of Miaka; something that didn't happen often, but after what had happened to Tamahome and now what was happening to Hotohori, her emotions had become more ranged than simply happy and sad. 

                "I won't forgive him…I won't…please tell me you wouldn't let anything he said…anything he did…" 

                Her voice trembled slightly, the conversation she'd had with Akira causing panicked thoughts to form in her head. Hotohori was strong; yet it was obvious that he'd been hurt physically and emotionally by whoever it was that did this to him, and evidence was pointing to Akira. 

                Hotohori turned back to Miaka, willing himself to stop crying. _I can't have Miaka suffering by thinking something is wrong, I have to be strong in front of her… _Giving her a weak smile as if to show her that everything was all right, he finally spoke.

                "…Miaka…gomen, I'm sort of tired…" He took her hand and brought it to his lips, softly kissing it. "Oyasumi…aishiteru…" The pain from moving his arm made him wince slightly, and he set her hand down gently. Miaka was slightly surprised, not expecting that; however, her expression softened, her eyes still filled with concern. "Oyasumi…"

                _Please, please get better soon…_

Hotohori gave her a soft smile before turning away and almost immediately falling asleep…the last coherent thought in his mind…

                _I wonder if Miaka will ever know the truth…yet…it's better if she doesn't…I have to pretend that nothing's wrong…and for her…I will do that…_

**Author's Note**:

                Lauren: ::collapses:: It's finished. X_x

                Teresa: How long did it take you to write that? o_O

                Lauren: ::shifty glances:: A month and two days.....;

                Teresa: ...murph...

                Lauren: ::head bowed:: Gomen ne! Not one of the more exciting parts...x_x

                Teresa: I know what you mean...bring on the angst! I know that it's coming up soon... whee! ::does the danse of angstyness::

                Lauren: Whee! XD ::dances too::


End file.
